The female orgasm is a mysterious and complicated subject. Unlike the male orgasm, a woman’s ability to orgasm is not a biological imperative, nor does it have any significant link to procreation. Most scientific research indicates that the female orgasm exists solely to promote sexual pleasure.

That’s the good news. Unfortunately, achieving orgasm often becomes a single-minded sexual goal for couples. This kind of goal-oriented sex can put pressure on both parties, making the orgasm that much less likely to happen. A woman trying to reach orgasm might feel pressured to have an orgasm as a kind of "reward" for the partner who is dutifully trying to give her one. Her partner, on the other hand, might feel inadequate or like a bad lover if he or she is not able to deliver. All of this pressure and anticipation is a sure-fire recipe for "failure." Things like supplements and practicing exercises that strengthen stamina are a good place to start if you are with a partner that takes longer to orgasim than you do.

Complicating matters further is the fact that different women achieve orgasm in different ways. It’s extremely common for women to say they can only come while having sex in a certain position, or with a certain kind of stimulation. It often helps for couples to experiment together, and to be vocal about what works and what doesn’t.

It’s okay to give yourselves permission to enjoy sexual pleasure for its own sake. Don’t try to hard to make orgasm the ultimate goal of the encounter, or else you might miss out on all the fun stuff leading up to it or wind up frustrated of the orgasm doesn’t occur. In other words, focus on the journey, not the destination.